When you come alone, you create family...

I didn’t come here with any friends…so I took part in creating a family. I’ve never been one to get into a car with a stranger, but that is part of the expat culture here. I haven’t been able to rent a car yet, and a fellow teacher offered me a ride. I had never met her before, but I think that I was ‘supposed to’. We only knew each other for about 15 minutes…the time it took to drive from one of the buildings in the Ministries complex to my hotel downtown, but she was one of the most down to earth people I’ve met yet. She came to this country with her husband and 2 month old child. She asked me if I had come with any friends. I said no. She said, “Girl, you may have come alone, but you’re going to create family. It’s what people do.”

There is something to be said about individuals who travel far away from family, and everything familiar to begin anew.  Today I saw a heartbroken father compare his military experience with his comrades to our experience here as expatriate teachers. I never thought of the similarities before, but he’s right. He and his family have given me more then they’ll ever know tonight.

Tonight’s experience wasn’t one that I was counting on having. It was unexpected, unforgettable, and truly human. Many of you know that I have waited longer than I thought I would to come over here. We came over in groups of different sizes. I am part of ‘group 5’. We have always been friendly with each other; no matter who you may be…and tonight seemed to solidify many connections among us. There are different situations here. There are many like myself who have left their world behind and have ventured on their own. Others have come with their spouse. Some have come with a child or two. Some have come with a spouse and children. No matter how you’ve come and who you have come with, we are all in this together. We need each other, and we have become family. If I had to go through that waiting just to be part of this group, then I would do that again.

Tonight I was invited to a memorial service for a bright young man who had his whole life still ahead of him. Within our group are his mother, father, and sister. Tonight, this family remembered him as he passed away a year ago today. A section of our rooftop pool area was transformed into a reverent area full of prayer and hope. The area was dimly lit by dusk and the streetlights below. Sounds of chatter, and Eric Clapton’s “Heaven” filled my mind. They showed pictures on digital slideshows, full of love only a family can show. There were memories full of smiles, laughter, embarrassing moments, and family milestones. None of the rest of us knew their son, but we wish we had. Earth is truly missing an angel. The young man, so handsome, exuberant, and full of life left an aching gap in his family. I questioned why God would have called him home. Sharing one of his favourite passages, one of our fellow expatriates got up and shared comforting words for the family, something the he had also shared at his father’s funeral:

“The present life of man upon earth, O King, seems to me in comparison with that time which is unknown to us like the swift flight of a sparrow through the mead-hall where you sit at supper in winter, with your Ealdormen and thanes, while the fire blazes in the midst and the hall is warmed, but the wintry storms of rain or snow are raging abroad. The sparrow, flying in at one door and immediately out at another, whilst he is within, is safe from the wintry tempest, but after a short space of fair weather, he immediately vanishes out of your sight, passing from winter to winter again. So this life of man appears for a little while, but of what is to follow or what went before we know nothing at all.”

St. Bede
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/579958-the-present-life-of-man-upon-earth-o-king-seems

Candles were passed around and lit. Feeling the heat and seeing the light in my hand from the flame, I was reminded of comfort, warmth, home, and the life that we are given here on Earth. We have the responsibility to do whatever we can to bring joy to ourselves and others. It is gone too quickly.

I was surprised I was able to get the nerve to speak after a few others:

“When driving home the other day, a woman I just met asked me if I came with any friends. I said no. She told me that I was going to create family; it’s what we do here. We are all here for your family, and thank you for allowing us to be part of yours today.”

I wish I could have done or said more, we all did. The young man’s father addressed the small crowd, thanked us, and let us know that they would be preparing the balloons to be set off for the memory of their son. People started to chat, and I made sure I spoke with our friend who gave the reading from earlier to pass it along…I had to share it with all of you at home tonight.

I had a lovely interruption of a young girl who is a daughter of one of our other teachers. She is the brightest and sweetest three-year old you would ever meet. We played briefly together, she taught me some ballet skills. We were shortly called to attention for the balloon release. There were 5 balloons in total. Four blue(blue was their son’s favourite colour), one white, all with messages from us and the family. One by one they were released, each gracing the sky with its own little dance, as if showing us a unique message with each one from the loved one lost. The little girl, still near me as they danced into the sky, I was reminded of new life. Pain of losing a loved one never really goes away. It changes as time goes on, yes, but it never truly leaves you. With patience, courage, and the grace of God, loved ones can come into our lives as well and even help you to strengthen memories of loved ones past. Yes, I may have come alone, but I just extended my family.